Day 4 - Barama Solves The Energy Crisis

Well, more particularly, he has solved our short-term problem with expensive gas. He has told me to inflate my tires properly and get a tune-up. Holy crap! That is awesome!

Here I am thinking we need to to step-up drilling and refining while we worked on viable alternative fuels sources, and all I have to do is inflate my friggin' tires.

I love this positivity stuff.

Day Three - Golf and Some Barama For Good Measure

I am truly encouraged. I am truly feeling positive about the political temperament of this country. People are starting to catch on to the foolishness and hubris that is Obama. There is nothing new about him, there is nothing trustworthy about him and even the media is starting to see that. This is going to be a fun election season. Now if only we had a better alternative than John McCain. Stay positive Oulsham, stay positive.

Speaking of positive. I have been playing golf since, well, a really long time ago. And for the most part I stink. I either hit the ball really far and then five-putt, or I hit the ball into the woods and chip beautifully after taking a two-stroke penalty. I took the youngest Sham out three weeks ago for the first time. She has played exactly 18 holes of golf. Today, on the third hole she drove as far as I did but she didn't go into the woods, and then from forty yards out she sank her chip shot. Sank her chip shot. Not only have I never sank a chip shot from that far, I can't remember ever playing with someone who did. I can only chalk it up to the incredible coaching she has been receiving...

Elsewise I break the clubs over me knee and take up playing video games.

Day Two

They say that adults who find it funny to watch other people fall down probably suffered emotional trauma as children. Whatever. I've never examined it that closely, but I will tell you that I cannot help but laugh when I see people fall down.

This brings me to my new favorite summer program, Wipeout. One hour of watching people who have no business trying to do physical things bounce off of giant rubber balls into pools of mud is truly entertaining to me.

Who needs politics when you have Wipeout?

The Downturn Is Good

As a country we've been sort of on a six-year bender, spending money we don't have and generally acting like a bunch of ex-spouses rifling through someone else's money. Unfortunately, we were actually rifling through our own money (or money we had no right to rifle through in the first place).

A little frugality never hurt anyone, and maybe, just maybe, we'll all re-learn self-sufficiency and lose the societal sense of entitlement we've developed. It's as unattractive as that gut from too money Doritos.

TWIR

The Blog went through a lot of trouble to find the right videos to launch Super Positivity and Happiness Parade Week - so watch the damn things will you? Jeez.

1. Senator Robert Menendez (D-NJ) is attempting to block re-authorization of the E-Verify Program, which allows verification of a job applicant's Visa or immigration status. First you have to ask yourself why a sitting US Senator, sworn to uphold the US Constitution would do such a thing. Then you have to thank that Marie Antionette of NJ politics Jon Corzine for appointing this convicted corruption dude to represent me.

2. I am only 50% whiter than Barack Obama and I have Irish blood. I knew this Italian family that used to say mean things about the Irish, so I think I have the same racial make-up as Obama. But does racial make-up do anything to make me a better president? Think about this before you get your tighty-whiteys in a pinch.

3. I met a guy this week who asked me if I watched professional wrestling. I said no and asked him why. He said so I would know how good looking his wife is, because she looked like "those wrestling chicks." I'm sorry, I get an entirely different image than the one he intended (I think).

4. I urge John McCain to pick either Bobby Jindall or Mitt Romney for Veep, but he's going to pick that doofus from Pennsylvania. I hope Barama picks Hillary but he's going to pick a sitting governor.

5. John Edwards with a mistress and a love child caught by photographers at the Beverly Hilton? No. You're kidding me! That guy? He didn't seem sleazy at all.

Well that's it kids. For the next seven days, nothing but enthusiasm, positivity and the occasional happiness parade. Get your insulin vials ready. Even though I'm aggravated at like everybody in the entire world, I will perservere through Super Positivity Week & Happiness Parade for you - the people. The real me will be back in a week. I think. Unless this is the real me and I've been confused by exterior forces my whole life. Who the hell knows?

Barack Obama Is Black

Yesterday in Berlin, Barama started his speech in part by saying he "didn't look like the other Americans" who had come to that spot.

What did he mean?

Was he using a lame racial cliche and implying that all white people look the same?

Or was he reminding us that his platform and the main reason he feels he should be allowed to be president is because he is half-black? It seems when it is convenient, Barama has no problem playing the race card while we just sit back like a bunch of Yorkshire Terriers and bob our heads back and forth.

We are seriously lame and we should be embarassed not by our mono-linguistics but by the ease with which we slip into cults of personality.

Oulsham Is Better Than Barama

Last week your favorite presidential messiah chastised me for only speaking English, which annoyed me because I have traveled in Europe pretty extensively and I worked hard and was able to pick up enough German and French to get myself food, a taxi and hotel rooms. Today Barama was in Berlin giving a speech to people who can't vote for him but who will ultimately decide his foreign policy - Europeans, specifically, cranky, square-headed arrogant German Europeans. He gave his speech in English and even joked that he wouldn't dare embarrass himself by speaking German. This was obviously lost on everyone. What a pompous ass.

But seriously, you'll still vote for him anyway. But think about the theft he perpetrated today by ripping off that conservative icon Ronald Reagan building his speech around imagery of tearing down walls. He even stole from JFK a bit.

Don't you people care that this guy can't formulate his own agenda and rhetoric without stealing from others? What kind of change is this? Stupid change for change sake without changing a thing? I think so.