Happy New Year

Dear All,

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter/summer solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.


Further Disclaimation: I lifted this part and parcel from an email I received from our office in Germany. It's more funny to me that it came from our friends in the EU. Where it originated I don't know.

Oulsham's Crystal Ball - Sarah Palin Won't Just See Russia From Her House

Dean of the Academy of Future Diplomats at the Russian Foreign Ministry, Igor Panarin, predicted several years ago that the United States would fall in 2010. He is now being interviewed two times a day for Russian television and print media.

Professor Panarin says that massive immigration, moral decline, and the fact that US foreign debt is based upon a "pyramid scheme" will lead to social unrest, civil war and unbreachable influence by foreign interests. This will begin to happen in the autumn of 2009, unless Barack Obama can "work miracles, but by spring he will find there are no miracles." To bolster his argument, he said some American eggheads in 1976 predicted the fall of the USSR in "ten to fifteen years" and Russian people laughed at them.

California and the west will become part of China. Texas and the south will become part of Mexico. Michigan and the north will become part of Canada. The east coast will become "Atlantic America" and will try to join the EU. Hawaii will become part of either Japan or China and Alaska will revert back to Russia, which was "part of the great Russian Empire in the past."

Some people in Russia are taking him seriously.

The Year In Review - Television

Television is horrible for the most part. We have 400+ channels of non-PPV TV, and mostly we watch reruns of Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond. However, there were a few bright spots:

1. The single greatest comedy show in the history of television is Curb Your Enthusiasm. I am hoping Santa brings me seasons 4 and 5 on DVD because as soon as all of this holiday nonsense is out of the way I'm going to finish watching seasons 2 and 3.

2. In spite of its all-Liberal-brain-deficient cast (I'm talking to you Laura Linney), John Adams was a superb, fairly faithful screen adaptation of the David McCullough book. Take some time and watch it then go read the book.

3. I love NFL Sunday Ticket on my DirectTV and Sundays this fall have been spent in the comfort of my living room watching my beloved New Orleans Saints have a typically mediocre season.

4. Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel are funnier than the worn out and boring Leno-Letterman-O'Brien triumvirate.

5. The Office is funny because I like stupid humor. 30 Rock is funny because I like intelligent humor.

6. We should all avoid watching the CSIs, ERs, Houses, and Law and Orders of the television world simply because bringing that much murder, depravity and sadness into our homes on a couple of times a week basis is not good for our spirits or our collective emotional balance.

The Year In Review - John McCain

Five reasons John McCain lost the election:

1. Acting like a cat on freshly waxed floor during the "financial meltdown."

2. Trying to beat a Socialist by acting like a Socialist will never work and that's what the McCain team thought was a good idea.

3. By age 73, adults, particularly one's who have spent 20+ years in the United States Senate, should have a clear and well-defined political philosophy and set of principles that they are not willing to stray from.

4. Sarah Palin, a political novice who leaned toward the corny side, was mishandled by unprincipled McCain campaign aides. Contrast her speech at the GOP convention with stump speeches made in late October.

5. Relying too heavily on the GOP Old Boy Philosophy. The GOP OBP is real and legitimate and found all the way down to the Ward level, it just never had a name before. Republicans truly believe that by paying their dues, towing the line and supporting the ticket, they earn the right to run for the office of their choosing. The Republicans re-elected Bill Clinton in 1996 by allowing Bob Dole to adhere to the GOP OBP.

The Year In Review - Music

Remember the important rule of The Year In Review, this has nothing to do with what we were told to watch, listen to or think this past year, this is my Year In Review.

1. Album of the Year - Carbon Leaf - Indian Summer. The more I listen to this the more I realize what a tremendous album this is.

2. Best Artists With Winter In Their Name - Surpassing Edgar who surpassed Johnny we have a tie for first place with Winterpills (hard to find but worth the effort) and Wintersleep (their song Weighty Ghost is Song of The Year).

3. Song Of The Year - Wintersleep - Weighty Ghost

4. Favorite Band With An Annoying Name - Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams. Don't let the name turn you off, this band is really good.

5. Artist of the Year - Mississippi John Hurt. Melodic blues that makes being a sharecropper sound like it might be okay. Oh, but the innuendo!

The Year in Review - Christmas Carols

1. The Creepiest Carol award goes to Dean Martin and "Baby, It's Cold Oustide." Runner-up is Dean Martin and "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer."

2. The Most Annoying Christmas Carol award goes to anything sung by Sarah McLachlan. Someone get this woman a Paxil.

3. The Greatest Christmas Album award goes to perennial favorite Phil Spector and his Christmas Album. Okay, seriously, he should really be winner of the Creepiest Carol award, but that album is awfully good. Runner-up is the first Harry Connick, Jr. album - the second just sort of seems profit motivated.

4. Best Christmas Carol For People My Age award goes to Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses or Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy.

5. People Who Should Be Banned From Recording Christmas Carols award goes to... We have a tie: Sarah McLachlan and those dogs that barked Jingle Bells.

6. Most Racist Christmas Carol award goes to White Christmas.

7. Best Christmas Carol That Actually Has Anything To Do With Christmas award goes to Silent Night. Runner up: O Little Town of Bethlehem.

8. 2008 Most Ubiquitous Christmas Carol award goes to Winter Wonderland setting an amazing record of 49 straight years as the winner of this award.

9. Christmas Carol I Did Not Hear Once This Year award goes to Do They Know It's Christmas? Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

10. Best Christmas Song Of All Time IMHO award goes to Father Christmas by Greg Lake.

Video Of The Week Message From Oulsham

My sincere apologies for the lack of updation on the Video Of The Week. To make up for my remissiveness, I have posted probably the funniest Santa video I have ever seen.