The people are ecstatic! The people are amazed! The people are righteously indignant!
And some of them are even liking the new blog.
The Smirking Moose Dot Com
This is probably the last entry at this site. All further brain dribblings, rants and brilliant observations will from this time forward take place at The Smirking Moose Dot Com.
Sorry to make you have to update your Favorites folder, but this will be the last time, at least until some lame bar in Maine sues me for using their name or something.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
And You Thought The Moose Was Just A Passing Fancy
THIS IS THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
New blogs officially start tomorrow (or tonight if something aggravates me betwen now and then, which could happen) on the new and improved The Blog.
Now, for the same low price, you get five pages of what you used to be thankful for only coming in one page.
Five times more politics, media bashing, cultural criticism, and well, you know the rest. New colors, more graphics, a cool name, what the hell else do you people want? Well better content is a nice thought, and thanks for answering my rhetorical question, but better content is highly unlikely. It is what it is.
The Smirking Moose Dot Com
New blogs officially start tomorrow (or tonight if something aggravates me betwen now and then, which could happen) on the new and improved The Blog.
Now, for the same low price, you get five pages of what you used to be thankful for only coming in one page.
Five times more politics, media bashing, cultural criticism, and well, you know the rest. New colors, more graphics, a cool name, what the hell else do you people want? Well better content is a nice thought, and thanks for answering my rhetorical question, but better content is highly unlikely. It is what it is.
The Smirking Moose Dot Com
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Big Freakin' News - Oulsham Is Retiring
Yup, kiddies, it's time to move on to bigger, and significantly cooler looking things! Join me won't you? I thought you'd say that.
Very soon now there will be an announcement about where to find the continuing brain dribblings of a middle-aged malcontent.
Stay tuned.
Very soon now there will be an announcement about where to find the continuing brain dribblings of a middle-aged malcontent.
Stay tuned.
Friday, January 30, 2009
TWIR - Inter-Commensalism Edition
Mutualism is when two organisms feed off each other to each other's mutual benefit. Parasitism is when one organism feeds off a second without benefit to the second. Commensalism is when two organisms feed off each other and both are indifferent. Inter-commensalism is when everybody feeds off everybody else and nobody cares. We live in an inter-commensalist society kids.
1. California readers will be happy to know they are now the proud parents of eight new kids born to a single mother who lives with her six kids at her mother's house. Now grandma, and you, will be feeding fourteen kids all because this woman wanted to get pregnant again so bad she fertilized invitro. This is the height of arrogance and irresponsibility on the parts of everyone involved prior to fertilization. I don't mind if she wants fourteen kids, but by golly, do it the old-fashioned way and earn those kids.
2. Last quarter's GDP was down 3.8%, not the 5.4% analysts were expecting. This is good news.
3. I am tired of hearing about the pain we are all in. Sending your child off to war and never seeing him alive again is painful. Dying of cancer is painful. Losing a limb to diabetes is painful. Not being able to afford to get the DVD player in the SUV fixed IS NOT painful. Not being able to get your nails done or play golf every Saturday is not painful. Everything short of actual pain is merely hard work.
4. Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.
5. I like that Obama shot from the hip at the Wall Street bonus folks, but one NBC reporterette actually said "Obama scolded them like an angry father." Moron. Hey lady, sometimes people don't say things nicely to get their points across, but keep your issues with your dad to yourself, okay?
6. Inter-commensalism is a made up word. Commensalism is an actual thing, but the "inter" part was thrown in by a group of high school students scrambling to come up with an answer to a test, and I thank them for it, because inter-commensalism will become a regular part of the Oulsham lexicon.
1. California readers will be happy to know they are now the proud parents of eight new kids born to a single mother who lives with her six kids at her mother's house. Now grandma, and you, will be feeding fourteen kids all because this woman wanted to get pregnant again so bad she fertilized invitro. This is the height of arrogance and irresponsibility on the parts of everyone involved prior to fertilization. I don't mind if she wants fourteen kids, but by golly, do it the old-fashioned way and earn those kids.
2. Last quarter's GDP was down 3.8%, not the 5.4% analysts were expecting. This is good news.
3. I am tired of hearing about the pain we are all in. Sending your child off to war and never seeing him alive again is painful. Dying of cancer is painful. Losing a limb to diabetes is painful. Not being able to afford to get the DVD player in the SUV fixed IS NOT painful. Not being able to get your nails done or play golf every Saturday is not painful. Everything short of actual pain is merely hard work.
4. Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.
5. I like that Obama shot from the hip at the Wall Street bonus folks, but one NBC reporterette actually said "Obama scolded them like an angry father." Moron. Hey lady, sometimes people don't say things nicely to get their points across, but keep your issues with your dad to yourself, okay?
6. Inter-commensalism is a made up word. Commensalism is an actual thing, but the "inter" part was thrown in by a group of high school students scrambling to come up with an answer to a test, and I thank them for it, because inter-commensalism will become a regular part of the Oulsham lexicon.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Further Proof We Are All Doomed
My ever-patient SO took care of some telephonic business for me today. Without lying and adding stupid things for dramatic effect, this is how the conversation went.
My Ever-Patient SO: I would like to change some things in Mr. Oulsham's account.
Person Of Questionable Intelligence On Other End Of Phone: I can't do that without his authorization. Do you have his credit card number?
MEPSO: No, but I have his Social Security number.
POQIOOEOP: That's no good. I have to have his authorization to change the account. Can you call him and get his authorization and then call me back?
MEPSO: (Stifling a laugh): That's all I have to do? He asked me this morning to change the account for him before he left for work.
POQIOOEOP: Oh, he already gave you his authorization? Fine then, how can I help you?
I'm beginning to wonder if without stupid people there would be no people, except of course for you and I and MEPSO.
My Ever-Patient SO: I would like to change some things in Mr. Oulsham's account.
Person Of Questionable Intelligence On Other End Of Phone: I can't do that without his authorization. Do you have his credit card number?
MEPSO: No, but I have his Social Security number.
POQIOOEOP: That's no good. I have to have his authorization to change the account. Can you call him and get his authorization and then call me back?
MEPSO: (Stifling a laugh): That's all I have to do? He asked me this morning to change the account for him before he left for work.
POQIOOEOP: Oh, he already gave you his authorization? Fine then, how can I help you?
I'm beginning to wonder if without stupid people there would be no people, except of course for you and I and MEPSO.
Except For Football, Ford Does Have A Better Idea.
Apparently the people at Ford are better at running their car company than they are their football team. And isn't that a nice refreshing change?
Ford's losses were around $5 billion last year, but they are not (so far) asking for a bailout from me. I like this. I like this a lot. Chrysler and GM have both asked me for money, and apparently I gave it to them, even though I really didn't want to. I've given a lot of people money in the last six months. It seems like I am always giving somebody money and I'm starting to run out. I have lived a long life filled with people with their hands out, and maybe I'm starting to get just a teensie-weensie bit resentful.
So, I have decided that if you come to me for money, or maybe if you avoid me and ask my neighbors for money, I will not buy your products. This includes your crooked home loans, cars, and whatever else it is you think you can make but apparently aren't very good at. This also means I will become a customer of Ford exclusively because I want to support people who know how to make it on their own.
But, you were just saying last week that the car companies aren't totally at fault here, you might be saying. Yes, I did say that. But Ford understood the troubles in its market and worked within those parameters and the other noodniks didn't. It's that simple.
The people at GM and Chrysler might think they can sit on the couches of their shareholders and taxpayers like me and play Madden '09 and eat Fritos Flavor Twists forever and we'll bail them out without even making them make their beds, even though they're way older than they should be for this type of behavior. Eventually, everyone figures out that pity is best saved for those among us who truly deserve it.
Ford's losses were around $5 billion last year, but they are not (so far) asking for a bailout from me. I like this. I like this a lot. Chrysler and GM have both asked me for money, and apparently I gave it to them, even though I really didn't want to. I've given a lot of people money in the last six months. It seems like I am always giving somebody money and I'm starting to run out. I have lived a long life filled with people with their hands out, and maybe I'm starting to get just a teensie-weensie bit resentful.
So, I have decided that if you come to me for money, or maybe if you avoid me and ask my neighbors for money, I will not buy your products. This includes your crooked home loans, cars, and whatever else it is you think you can make but apparently aren't very good at. This also means I will become a customer of Ford exclusively because I want to support people who know how to make it on their own.
But, you were just saying last week that the car companies aren't totally at fault here, you might be saying. Yes, I did say that. But Ford understood the troubles in its market and worked within those parameters and the other noodniks didn't. It's that simple.
The people at GM and Chrysler might think they can sit on the couches of their shareholders and taxpayers like me and play Madden '09 and eat Fritos Flavor Twists forever and we'll bail them out without even making them make their beds, even though they're way older than they should be for this type of behavior. Eventually, everyone figures out that pity is best saved for those among us who truly deserve it.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sad News - Billy Powell Dead At 56
The music world lost one of its great under-appreciated players today with the death from an apparent heart attack of Lynyrd Skynyrd keyboardist Billy Powell at an all too young age of 56.
Known as a guitar band, the Skynyrd sound was equally shaped by the rollicking Mississippi Delta flavoring of Powell's piano work. The opening to Freebird, one of the iconic intros in all of music history was penned by Powell while he was still a roadie for the band.
Two images of Powell are forever burned into my memory. No one can forget the interview Powell did in 1977 after surviving the Skynyrd plane crash in Mississippi, with his bandaged nearly-severed nose and black eyes as he grieved for his friends. But I'll choose to remember a twenty-two-year-old Powell flipping the photographer the bird on the cover of Nuthin' Fancy, Skynyrd's 1974 release. The irony of a roadie becoming a rockstar overnight and then telling the world what he thought gave great hope to young, struggling, cynical musicians everywhere.
Thanks Billy, for the music and for sharing yourself. Time passes quickly, don't let it slip through your hands.
Known as a guitar band, the Skynyrd sound was equally shaped by the rollicking Mississippi Delta flavoring of Powell's piano work. The opening to Freebird, one of the iconic intros in all of music history was penned by Powell while he was still a roadie for the band.
Two images of Powell are forever burned into my memory. No one can forget the interview Powell did in 1977 after surviving the Skynyrd plane crash in Mississippi, with his bandaged nearly-severed nose and black eyes as he grieved for his friends. But I'll choose to remember a twenty-two-year-old Powell flipping the photographer the bird on the cover of Nuthin' Fancy, Skynyrd's 1974 release. The irony of a roadie becoming a rockstar overnight and then telling the world what he thought gave great hope to young, struggling, cynical musicians everywhere.
Thanks Billy, for the music and for sharing yourself. Time passes quickly, don't let it slip through your hands.
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