Your Responsibility

Dear America,

I would like to remind you of probably your biggest single responsibility to society. I know you are busy texting and finding out what your BFFL's are doing and I know sometimes you forget. But, when you are first in line at a traffic light, it is your God-given responsibility to pay attention so as soon as the light turns green you are allowing the 27,000 of us behind you our fair opportunity to pass through the intersection legally. If you are delayed leaving upon the turning of the green, those of us behind you will never make it home in time to watch the last ten minutes of Seinfeld or the People's Court.

Now, I operate under the two second rule. If I am second in line, I take my responsibility equally seriously. I will count to "two" and then I will tap the horn politely. Upon another count of two, I am laying on the horn as if I am trying to drown out the incessant yapping of a person whose yapping I thought I had drowned out years ago.

At this point you will probably give me the finger. Well, that would just be stupid. You see, I am simply a messenger for all of the unfortunate slobs who are stuck behind you while you folly away our precious time. First of all, giving me the finger does not help speed our trip along (that's why I have blown my horn at you in the first place). Second of all, I am immune to having the finger given to me. It has been done to me so many times in my life that it's all just a big blur of middle-digit brouhahhaization and the only reason I have lowered myself to even pay attention to you is because you are in my way and you are impeding my flow.

Oh and driving real fast and switching lanes like a meth-addict in an Indiana biker bar will not obviate your obvious need to pay attention, it will just make you look even more foolish, especially when I pull up next to you at the next light. A light we would have made if only you had paid attention.

Your friend,
Oulsham