You Might Be A Jackass If...

During the 1990's I would get a twitch either over my left eye or my right upper lip. Gorilla My Dreams was the root cause and luckily the twitch has been gone for a while now... until last night during the last quarter of the Saints - Vikings game. You think I'm a little too caught up in football this year? Let's get back to our Jackass Week Festivities.

You might be a jackass if...

you are Nancy Pelosi and you thought oil would never fall below $100 / barrel...ever and you wanted to save the world so you refused to allow Congress to vote on a critical bill that you agreed we need but were afraid would make your party look bad. By the way, light sweet is $87.80 / barrel as of this writing.

you get in a snit and stay there for obtuse amounts of time. Whether it's politics, work, sports or religion, seriously, have you ever met anyone is either 100% wrong or 100% right?

you look like you should be making pizzas in Belleville but you're missing field goals in the Superdome on a Monday night against a team you should have beat but you can't kick the freakin' football to save your life and your jersey number is #1 and this is the second time in three weeks you caused my team to lose a game it should've won but you are horrible and so is your pizza and your brother Mario Kart.

you are Barney Frank and you had a longstanding romantic relationship with anyone, ever, but most especially the chairman of Fannie Mae, a corporation your committee had oversight of, and you bark out loud with that silly Massachusetts accent of yours that you did nothing wrong.

you are Christopher Dodd (D-CT) and you are the Senate Finance Chairman and you took sub-sub-prime mortgages from Countrywide, and you are keeping such a low profile that we can only believe you are a thief.

you are Keith Olbermann and you demand extra security from JFK to midtown because you think right-wing extremists are going to kill you. Keith, the right-wing extremists are too busy eating the tassels on their loafers because they can't afford tofu.

you are Barack America and you consorted with people who openly wished death and destruction on citizens of this country because they didn't agree with them or whatever and you are not open and honest with us about those relationships.

I love Jackass Week.