Politics. Popemobiles. $3.50 gas. American Idol. Hit lists. Sure these things are important, but today I want to talk about something that really matters - wearing pants that fit. You have all been with me as I have railed against muffin-top syndrome, and while I have gotten used to seeing guys with their boxers hanging out, I am really bothered when guys let their tighty-whiteys catch some sun. Usually, these are white guys with bad piercings, and seriously fellas, it just looks like you need a belt.
Ok, speaking of belts, girls that wear 'em low like truck drivers at a Krispy Kreme bother me. Seriously, I don't care what team you play for, just pull your pants up.
And while I'm at it, you middle-aged men who think you're still hot and sexy: You're not and you probably never were. Do you have to pull your pants up so high? It's not a good look to accentuate the fact you have two cheeks unless you are Freddie Mercury. And just because your mom pressed your jeans is no reason for you to do the same.
And one more thing, all you girls who think it's sexy to wear 'em so low that with only a passing glance we can see, well, more than we want to. Plumbers do that too, and quite frankly, if a plumber can fix my sink for $65 so I can go out and do something fun, that plumber wins the sexy contest hands down. I don't want my plumber to be modest, I want him to be well-versed with a monkey wrench. If you can work wonders with a monkey-wrench I can deal with your cracked rear-view.
Thank you.
Your friend,
Oulsham
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