Okay. I have successfully debunked the Man-Made Global Warming myth. I have set America straight when it comes to politics and the economy. There can be no doubt that I have corrected our misperceptions about the oil industry. So now it is time for me to attack two of the biggest problems facing our nation today.
First: Nose blowing in restaurants or at the dinner table. I am shocked that I am even needed on this one. I love nothing more than sitting down at my favorite restaurant to enjoy a nice plate of Oysters Rockefeller only to have some cretin two tables over blow their nose. Listen to me, if eating makes your nose run, go to the friggin' restroom. I would hope if you had to cut one you'd get up and go so why do I have to listen to you launch snot bombs while I am eating? And then, to you people who leave your snot rags on the table after you are done, well, you should be electrocuted.
Tomorrow I will attack problem Number 2.
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