Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Oulsham Vents For a Change

There's a few things we need to address.

First of all, I have this neighbor who owns a gas-powered RC car. It's the loudest, most whiney thing I've been subjected to since 1986. Anyway, I don't know what irks me more: the noise or the fact that all I've been able to achieve in life is living [in close proximity] to an adult male who stands in his driveway for up to two hours at a time with this vacant leer on his face as he drives his stupid toy car up and down his driveway.

But wait. I have another neighbor who has three dogs. She walks them without leashes and they take leaks and occasionally drop a deuce on my front lawn. She does let them roam on everyone else's lawn too. Well, no one had the nerve to complain, so now she lets the smallest dog run free throughout the neighborhood. Of course, now it stands in front of my house and barks this stupid little I-wish-you-would-die yap bark at me. She also walks down the street with the same insipid vacuous look on her face as the RC car guy.

I have an ongoing fantasy about running over either the car or the dog. "OULSHAM!" you're all exclaiming right now. Oh stop, like you wouldn't think the same thing. Puuleeeze. Anyway, I probably wouldn't run over the dog if given the chance but the car...the car. Oh how delightful it would be to just back out of the driveway one night and crush this stupid RC car thing under my back wheel. I would get the satisfaction of destroying it as well as the sheer delight of seeing this guy's face just contort into pangs of pain and sadness. Delightful like vanilla ice cream with butterscotch.

Although the location and certain details have been changed to protect the guilty, watch this week's Video of the Week to see what my life has become.

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