TWIR - End Of The World Edition

Two boys in Woonsocket (imagine how annoying that sounds with the local Red Sawx Nation accent), Rhode Island, were late to school Thursday so they stole a car to get there. One had an in-school suspension and I guess he didn't want anymore demerits. While I admire their get-to-school-on-time-at-all-costs mentality, they shouldn't be so worried.

To start the new year off, The Blog will celebrate with an End Of The World Edition by illustrating how unnecessary all of our angst is.

1. Scientists expect major solar flares in the next three years that could ultimately knock out our tech grid for months to come. This could lead to a loss of government control, which would probably make Barack America a little angry.

2. Scientists released a report this week citing five possible causes for the end of the world, they included volcanoes (help me Dan Quayle!), nuclear war, a Black Hole and an asteroid hit, but Global Warming was not on the list. You see, we're all going to perish from Global Warming but the planet and lizards in Florida will do just fine.

3. That stupid particle smasher accelerator thing in Switzerland is going to start up again in spring which will cause a Black Hole to shoot out of the Indian Ocean. If I draw a line through the Earth from my House I wind up in the Indian Ocean which means the Black Hole could shoot out of my Backyard. Gee, I hope Dog #2 isn't standing there when it happens.

4. There are unusual seismic activities at Yellowstone National Park which could lead to the Doomsday Volcano which will knock out the entire western United States to the Mississippi River. But according to that Russian poli-sci professor, that's going to be China's problem anyway.

5. Palestinians are accusing Christian Fundamentalists in the United States of supporting Israel so Israel will win and Jesus will return or something like that. If this is the case I can only hope and pray that Jesus has a Sense Of Humor when He calls my number.

Hopefully there will be another TWIR next week...if there is a next week.


(Disclaimer: I know how and what to capitalize. The items that were incorrectly capitalized in this week's TWIR were done so on purpose.)